dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
