So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
