I just saw a hot homeless man
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
