so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
