I wish life had little blips of pornography
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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