8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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