i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
