i was born a porn star she said
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
