1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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