Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
