I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
