The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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