I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
