dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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