Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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