I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
