my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
