I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
