so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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