The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
