You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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