I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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