How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
