I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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