Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
