Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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