Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
