would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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