the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
why is half of my head shaved?
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