can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
