I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
