Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
