I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We had to coat check the pizza.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
