By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
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