I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
