broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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