I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
