just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
