So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
