Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
