I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
