Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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