It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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