Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
