it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
