you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
