So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
