I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
