sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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