Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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