I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
