My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
